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I didn't take this picture, obviously, so I refuse to take responsibility for the fact that everyone's wincing. I REFUSE!!!
...it was freaking hot out there.
Kelly sang a song. There was an old hippie playing the bongos down on the beach. I'm told these two events were unrelated, but made for an amusing combination. The officiant was nice and extremely homosexual. I gave Megan away. She called me "daddy" and I vomited three times. I was thus forced to tell Megan and Alex about the "special hug" they'd discover that night that is reserved specially for prospective mommies and daddies. I think they understood.
Not really sure what else to say about the ceremony itself. It was short. They seem to love each other. I welled up a bit. This says it all, for me anyway:
After a clothes change, we were off to Mangoes for dinner.
Notice the cake. It was tasty. Unfortunately, this pleasant dinner was interrupted by a tactical nuclear strike.
Thankfully, the entire wedding party was saved from destruction by the strength of Megan and Alex's love for each other. Everyone else in the restaurant died horrible, horrible deaths.
Posted at: 22:00
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We went to the beach yesterday morning. The beach fucking reeks. Mucked up memories of our elementary school trip to the sewage treatment plant.
Alex didn't wear any sunscreen when we were at the beach this morning.
Needless to say, he was starting to feel the pain.
Went and ate some really tasty Cuban food. Some of the best (and cheapest) food we've had so far on the trip. I'd estimate that, not including airfare and the hotel, I've spent roughly $240 in the past four days. Thank God rent and tuition were due BEFORE the trip.
Then the ladies and the gents parted ways for the evening, for the customary same-sex-last-night-before-wedding-parties. The fairer sex went on to some kind of ghost tour, which was by all reports completely lame and largely involved taking pictures of buildings to find "orbs" floating in frame. With digital cameras. Whatever.
We MEN, however, went bowling. At least, that was the plan...
The place was called Stick and Stein, kind of a bar/pool hall/minibowling/arcade combo. It was actually pretty cool, in that Brian-only-feels-comfortable-in-total-dives kind of way. We bowled thrice. As previously indicated, the lanes were WEE, with the ten pins connected to the alley by a kind of rope system, so when you hit them they basically all fell down. The balls were also tiny, fitting easily in the palm of your hand, and with no holes. Very conducive to chucking at high speeds to get very satasfying explosive strikes. I need one of these machines for my living room.
Then, some Area51 and some racing games, and then Alex started to feel worse, so we headed back to the hotel...
and watched some shitty heavily censored cable movies. Though this sounds lame, fun was had. Alex didn't really want a bachelor party, so this was all thrown together last minute, but friends+quaintly small bowling=fun. At least that's what I remember from junior high math.
So, wedding's tonight, Alex was rocking back and forth last night with the chills from what might be heat exhaustion or food poisoning...anyones guess at this point.
Hoping for the best in Key West,
Hypenated-Brian
Posted at: 22:00
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Took me two days to get the internet working in my room reliably, so we've got a lot of ground to cover...
Before we delve in too deep, lets take a moment to meet our intrepid cast:
From R-L: Alex and Megan, Scott and Sandi,
Katie, Me, and Kelly
Ok, so the bottom row really got the short end here. I have a ton of pictures of random signs, roosters, and the ocean, but those are the best pictures of Katie and Kelly I have. The picture of me was taken moments ago when I realized that, for obvious reasons, I have no pictures of myself. I'll do my best to improve this deplorable situation in the days to come.
Anyway...
The flights down to the island were plagued by rain and crying, as I mentioned earlier. The man that was sitting in front of us on the plane had the tiniest ears that I've seen. This was especially accented because he had gigantic sausage fingers that were trying to manipulate the complex Delta headset in order to affix it to the limited ear-real-estate he had to work with. It will haunt me to my end days that I didn't man up and take a picture of tiny-ears.
We seem to have brought the rain with us, it's constantly drizzling and frequently raining in earnest. The parking lot outside our room has been a perpetual lake ever since.
Thus beach plans for the first morning were shattered. And so, we went downtown. Our first tourist-trap was The Pirate Soul Museum. This was the once private collection of pirate memorabilia of inspiritional-speakin' Pat Croce, now in museum form! It was small, expensive ($12.95 per!), but quaint and kitschy. And I'm a sucker for the kitsch. The relics were billed as authentic, but looked extremely fake. There was a Jolly Roger displayed in the end room, supposedly one of only two recovered Jolly Rogers from that era. A very convincing Jack Sparrow impersonator related all of this to us, and then mugged for pics. Expensive, touristy souvenir pics. Megan bought one. Go figure.
So, we hit a few stores, and then Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville.
Best thing about Margaritaville:
Worst thing about Margaritaville: Jimmy Buffett background music. Yeesh.
As night fell, we were off to Mallory Square to celebrate the sunset and watch some pretty impressive street performers.
And then, karaoke. Which was...karaoke. I didn't get to sing, which is fine because I picked a really lame song. Kelly rocked out the Evanescence and Aretha Franklin. Kelly sings good.
OH, I saved the best for last: This box was on the counter in a deli, next to some cookies, the register, and a tip jar. Words fail me.
Post-coital love from Key West,
Brian
Posted at: 22:00
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I am still alive, despite storms and crying babies. The cryingest of babies.
I don't know how much to tip a cabbie. I don't know how much to tip the bellman. So I've decided tipping is a fools game.
More as it comes.
Posted at: 22:00
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